Prom was so much fun.
But sadly, it means "the best years of my life" are slowly dwindling away and that scares the shit out of me.
I don't know what I'm doing, Hollywood pretty much fell through.
I think a year off will do me some good, give me time to figure out me and what I want to do and who I want to be.
I'm too indecisive. I just keep changing my mind on everything.
"I'm ready to leave, I'm not ready to leave."
"I'll take any challenge that's thrown at me, I'm not ready to be challenged."
"I like him, I don't."
"I'm mad at my friends, I love them so much."
I don't know what I want, I don't know who I want, I don't know what I want to be.. I don't seem to know much of anything. I'm just lying to myself, I'm trying to convince my brain that I have all the time but in the end, I have 23 days. It sort of feels like a death sentence. Of course, I may be making it seem that way.
I've been waiting for so long to graduate and now that it's so close I'm not sure if I want it to be here anymore. I've met some amazing people this year who have always been right under my nose but never took the time to know and I'm not ready to be forgotten by them. I see myself as easy to forget and I hope that's not the case because everyone in my life means so much to me and I want to mean as much to them as they do to me.
This is difficult.
I can't get my mind around it.
This year went by fast.
It's trippin me out.
I don't know where I'm going to be next year.
This is really messing with my head..All this stress over a little 3 hour ceremony.
I don't do well with good-bye's or change for that matter.
..well, hug your mom and tell her how much she means to you because it's mother's day and she was nice enough to carry you around in her uterus for 9 months and forcefully push you out of a hole in her body. Don't be ungrateful.
adieu,
Nikki.
3 comments:
oh neekee
your life will be perfect
because you are
stop tripping, open your eyes and look around you
take a deep breath and realize, in 23 school days it is all for you.
everything you see is yours, if you want it to be.
you will be great, because you already are.
you'll find your purpose I know it.
I know you will do well in what you want to do well in and that
s all that matters
I've known you for a whileish and I know that you're truely one of my best friends ever.
Dude, I'm having the same issues it sucks...I wish that high school didn't blow for me though hahaha, and that we were friends sooner, bcuz the frienemies thing was really sort of gay and my fault..But you know I think that the fear is all natural and you and I should both be fine, as soon as we graudate hahah. I'm always down the street if you need me boo!
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