When I was in 8th grade, my decision to join high school band was firmly set on no but at the end of the year, I caved in and joined. Now, I'm not going to say that I loved every minute of it because I didn't. Our first teacher was a dick and our present teacher is a stubborn oasis of stink, whine, and bitchiness, I hate the stupid hats, I hate marching down the street in 90+ degree weather in wool, I hate how loudly my piccolo echos in my plastic Q-tip hat, I hate the 4 am call times, I hate the last minute concerts, I hate the stupid tuxedo shirt and cumber bund/ bowtie, I hate how dirty my flute gets, I hate Stuart, I hate not being taken seriously as a section leader, I hate the mosquitos at practice, I hate marching on the track, and I hate the colorguard(well the freshman atleast). However, Band is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Without it, I don't know what I would have done these past four years. I don't know what I'm going to do now that it's officially over. I can't imagine my life without it, and that's super nerdy. I love the relationships and friendships I have gained from participating in the John Swett band program and even if I won't be playing with those people anymore, they will always be in my heart. Forever. We're a family and I'm so happy I stuck with it.
I'm lame.
Atleast I didn't cry at the last concert like I cried at the last competition.
Shiiit.
adieu,
Nikki.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Monday, May 26, 2008
What an odd anniversary..
Today marks the one year anniversary of a certain someone breaking up with me.
On this day last year I was a very very sad girl. I don't want to remember who I was or how I felt then.. It was awful, and I was pathetic. I wish that I knew then what I know now about my then beau because mark my words, I wouldn't have been as upset. What came after this day from that individual was only worse and caused me more pain. I should have just taken the breakup. It's ridiculous how I felt about him and what he did. I'm ashamed that I wasted so much time and effort on him. I'm ashamed that he was my first love because they say you never forget the first one. I hate him terribly, I really do. I'm sure he hates me just as much so it's even.
I just want something to do so I won't have to remember what feelings this day brought last year. I don't miss him, not in the least bit, but I don't want to remember how it made me feel.. How HE made me feel on May 26, 2007.
Someone, come celebrate with me a year of freedom.
Get me the fuck away.
adieu,
Nikki
On this day last year I was a very very sad girl. I don't want to remember who I was or how I felt then.. It was awful, and I was pathetic. I wish that I knew then what I know now about my then beau because mark my words, I wouldn't have been as upset. What came after this day from that individual was only worse and caused me more pain. I should have just taken the breakup. It's ridiculous how I felt about him and what he did. I'm ashamed that I wasted so much time and effort on him. I'm ashamed that he was my first love because they say you never forget the first one. I hate him terribly, I really do. I'm sure he hates me just as much so it's even.
I just want something to do so I won't have to remember what feelings this day brought last year. I don't miss him, not in the least bit, but I don't want to remember how it made me feel.. How HE made me feel on May 26, 2007.
Someone, come celebrate with me a year of freedom.
Get me the fuck away.
adieu,
Nikki
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Life's no Storybook..
"Love's an excuse to get hurt, and to hurt.. Do you like to hurt? I do, I do. Then hurt me."
I can't let the words come out.
It isn't worth it.
I'm so confused..
I want a lover I don't have to love.
Maybe I don't.
"Your hands on me, Pressing hard against your jeans
Your tongue in my mouth, trying to keep the words from coming out
You didn't care to know who else may have been you before.."
I have 2 weeks left to leave a lasting impression.
It seems like an impossibility.
One last chance to lose your keys, one last chance for me to say what I need to get off my chest.
"Bad actors with bad habits
Some sad singers they just play tragic
And the phone's ringing and the van's leaving
Let's just keep touching, let's just keep... keep singing..."
adieu,
Nikki
I can't let the words come out.
It isn't worth it.
I'm so confused..
I want a lover I don't have to love.
Maybe I don't.
"Your hands on me, Pressing hard against your jeans
Your tongue in my mouth, trying to keep the words from coming out
You didn't care to know who else may have been you before.."
I have 2 weeks left to leave a lasting impression.
It seems like an impossibility.
One last chance to lose your keys, one last chance for me to say what I need to get off my chest.
"Bad actors with bad habits
Some sad singers they just play tragic
And the phone's ringing and the van's leaving
Let's just keep touching, let's just keep... keep singing..."
adieu,
Nikki
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Viva La Vida
I'm beginning to see how amazing Coldplay is and I'm proud of myself. I have tried to stay away from their music until recently. I heard their new song on an ipod commercial and immediately went on itunes and bought it. It's so good. Go buy it now, It's called "Viva La Vida". Amazing.
Anywho,
Ignore the last blog. Some people just don't know how to be discrete about things. I'm embarrassed by it to tell you the truth but oh well. That's the family.
I saw a quote today. It was, "It's better to want something you don't have, than to have something you don't want." - Denny Crane. To me, that makes a lot of sense because when it comes down to it, the result is always worth the wait and if it wasn't then the wait isn't over. How I see things is you have to work your ass off to find something true and something that makes you mind-numbingly happy and when you find that something, you have accomplished something truly great. I'm looking for that but I have no idea where to find it. Graduation just keeps coming at me faster and faster each day. It seems like just yesterday I was in 8th grade. I love who I've become and I want someone to love me the way I am as much as I love the way I am. Maybe after high school I'll find it.. Who knows.. Same shit different day though.
well.. I have nothing else to write that won't seem redundant, completely off topic, or stupid high school bull shit so.. I'm going to stop writing this blog.
I keep listening to the new Coldplay song over and over again, it's so good haha.
adieu,
Nikki.
Anywho,
Ignore the last blog. Some people just don't know how to be discrete about things. I'm embarrassed by it to tell you the truth but oh well. That's the family.
I saw a quote today. It was, "It's better to want something you don't have, than to have something you don't want." - Denny Crane. To me, that makes a lot of sense because when it comes down to it, the result is always worth the wait and if it wasn't then the wait isn't over. How I see things is you have to work your ass off to find something true and something that makes you mind-numbingly happy and when you find that something, you have accomplished something truly great. I'm looking for that but I have no idea where to find it. Graduation just keeps coming at me faster and faster each day. It seems like just yesterday I was in 8th grade. I love who I've become and I want someone to love me the way I am as much as I love the way I am. Maybe after high school I'll find it.. Who knows.. Same shit different day though.
well.. I have nothing else to write that won't seem redundant, completely off topic, or stupid high school bull shit so.. I'm going to stop writing this blog.
I keep listening to the new Coldplay song over and over again, it's so good haha.
adieu,
Nikki.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Dear Nosy family members and or friends..
Grandma Sandi is able to make it to my graduation.
I wrote that blog when I first found out that there was a possibility that she would not be able to make it and I was really upset.
This whole ordeal has ruined my day, I'll have you know, I cried at school today because of your foolishness. I cried on the shoulder of a friend because my family sold me out on something I said a long time ago at a time that I was really upset.
It is unfair that you thought it was your place to put me in this position. I already feel out of place in this family because it feels as if none of you have the capability to accept me the way I am but now, I'm the bratty grandchild who writes "mean" things about another cousin in her blog. I don't expect much, but I do expect respect and I'm not getting any. You are my family, not a spy who's sole job is to make me look bad and sell me out for misconstrued words on a website on the internet.
This has been completely blown out of proportion and I would enjoy it if you respected my wishes of staying out of my business. Next time you think, "hmmm, I'll go check up on Nikki's blogs.." please refrain because I don't need another issue tampering with my senior year in high school.
On occasion, I say the wrong things but I am only human and we all do that to a certain extent. In a way, I expect an apology but I have a strange feeling that I will not get one let alone someone who will fess up to this.
I created this blog so I could have an outlet to write how I felt and receive advice or words of wisdom from those who know more than I but all I got was an angry grandmother, salty eyes, and a faulty feeling of trust for people who I should trust no matter what.
I've learned a lot today.
All I can say is that I'm happy that I have the mother, father, and sister I do because they love me and accept me no matter what I say or do. They know how much it upset me and how I was feeling at the time so they understood why I wrote it. You, however, weren't there so you have no idea what was on my mind or the tip of my tongue at the time.
If you really are interested on reading someone else's blog, go too www.thematches.com/blog and read that one. It's interesting and it won't hurt one of your loved ones if you read it.
Well, that's all folks.
My business and my words are mine and I'm thankful everyday that I have to vocabulary to back them up.
The world is my soapbox and my words are all I have.
Check the first amendment by the way. It says nothing about taddling on someone for expressing how they feel.
adieu,
Nikki
I wrote that blog when I first found out that there was a possibility that she would not be able to make it and I was really upset.
This whole ordeal has ruined my day, I'll have you know, I cried at school today because of your foolishness. I cried on the shoulder of a friend because my family sold me out on something I said a long time ago at a time that I was really upset.
It is unfair that you thought it was your place to put me in this position. I already feel out of place in this family because it feels as if none of you have the capability to accept me the way I am but now, I'm the bratty grandchild who writes "mean" things about another cousin in her blog. I don't expect much, but I do expect respect and I'm not getting any. You are my family, not a spy who's sole job is to make me look bad and sell me out for misconstrued words on a website on the internet.
This has been completely blown out of proportion and I would enjoy it if you respected my wishes of staying out of my business. Next time you think, "hmmm, I'll go check up on Nikki's blogs.." please refrain because I don't need another issue tampering with my senior year in high school.
On occasion, I say the wrong things but I am only human and we all do that to a certain extent. In a way, I expect an apology but I have a strange feeling that I will not get one let alone someone who will fess up to this.
I created this blog so I could have an outlet to write how I felt and receive advice or words of wisdom from those who know more than I but all I got was an angry grandmother, salty eyes, and a faulty feeling of trust for people who I should trust no matter what.
I've learned a lot today.
All I can say is that I'm happy that I have the mother, father, and sister I do because they love me and accept me no matter what I say or do. They know how much it upset me and how I was feeling at the time so they understood why I wrote it. You, however, weren't there so you have no idea what was on my mind or the tip of my tongue at the time.
If you really are interested on reading someone else's blog, go too www.thematches.com/blog and read that one. It's interesting and it won't hurt one of your loved ones if you read it.
Well, that's all folks.
My business and my words are mine and I'm thankful everyday that I have to vocabulary to back them up.
The world is my soapbox and my words are all I have.
Check the first amendment by the way. It says nothing about taddling on someone for expressing how they feel.
adieu,
Nikki
Monday, May 12, 2008
Conundrum....
He got off too easy, but that's just me.
Anyway,
I'm stressed out. School's almost over and I'm not ready. I need more time. I need to do my psychology, I need to do my multimedia project, I need to get him, I need to spend more time with them, I need more support, I need to clear my fucking mind.
I'm bad at this.. I suck..
I wish I could read people's minds so I wouldn't have to guess at anything. No wait, I actually wish that people would fucking TALK and EXPLAIN things every once and a while.
BAH!
I really really need some time off. Or I just need more time with him or people I like in general. I had a nice talk with someone very unexpected today, a really nice talk. I like unexpected things, I like the little things in life, I like life.
I just want to explore, I just want to be happy, I just want to experience things, I just want it to work out.
Damn my insecurities!
This blog is stumbling all over itself and I have began to confuse myself.
At least it isn't about a fucking penguin who gets kneed in the beak by a jealous boyfriend named Jason..(Fuckin' Shawn Harris)
Until my next rant about being unnecessarily stressed out, Adieu.
<3: Nikki
Anyway,
I'm stressed out. School's almost over and I'm not ready. I need more time. I need to do my psychology, I need to do my multimedia project, I need to get him, I need to spend more time with them, I need more support, I need to clear my fucking mind.
I'm bad at this.. I suck..
I wish I could read people's minds so I wouldn't have to guess at anything. No wait, I actually wish that people would fucking TALK and EXPLAIN things every once and a while.
BAH!
I really really need some time off. Or I just need more time with him or people I like in general. I had a nice talk with someone very unexpected today, a really nice talk. I like unexpected things, I like the little things in life, I like life.
I just want to explore, I just want to be happy, I just want to experience things, I just want it to work out.
Damn my insecurities!
This blog is stumbling all over itself and I have began to confuse myself.
At least it isn't about a fucking penguin who gets kneed in the beak by a jealous boyfriend named Jason..(Fuckin' Shawn Harris)
Until my next rant about being unnecessarily stressed out, Adieu.
<3: Nikki
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Prom.
Prom was so much fun.
But sadly, it means "the best years of my life" are slowly dwindling away and that scares the shit out of me.
I don't know what I'm doing, Hollywood pretty much fell through.
I think a year off will do me some good, give me time to figure out me and what I want to do and who I want to be.
I'm too indecisive. I just keep changing my mind on everything.
"I'm ready to leave, I'm not ready to leave."
"I'll take any challenge that's thrown at me, I'm not ready to be challenged."
"I like him, I don't."
"I'm mad at my friends, I love them so much."
I don't know what I want, I don't know who I want, I don't know what I want to be.. I don't seem to know much of anything. I'm just lying to myself, I'm trying to convince my brain that I have all the time but in the end, I have 23 days. It sort of feels like a death sentence. Of course, I may be making it seem that way.
I've been waiting for so long to graduate and now that it's so close I'm not sure if I want it to be here anymore. I've met some amazing people this year who have always been right under my nose but never took the time to know and I'm not ready to be forgotten by them. I see myself as easy to forget and I hope that's not the case because everyone in my life means so much to me and I want to mean as much to them as they do to me.
This is difficult.
I can't get my mind around it.
This year went by fast.
It's trippin me out.
I don't know where I'm going to be next year.
This is really messing with my head..All this stress over a little 3 hour ceremony.
I don't do well with good-bye's or change for that matter.
..well, hug your mom and tell her how much she means to you because it's mother's day and she was nice enough to carry you around in her uterus for 9 months and forcefully push you out of a hole in her body. Don't be ungrateful.
adieu,
Nikki.
But sadly, it means "the best years of my life" are slowly dwindling away and that scares the shit out of me.
I don't know what I'm doing, Hollywood pretty much fell through.
I think a year off will do me some good, give me time to figure out me and what I want to do and who I want to be.
I'm too indecisive. I just keep changing my mind on everything.
"I'm ready to leave, I'm not ready to leave."
"I'll take any challenge that's thrown at me, I'm not ready to be challenged."
"I like him, I don't."
"I'm mad at my friends, I love them so much."
I don't know what I want, I don't know who I want, I don't know what I want to be.. I don't seem to know much of anything. I'm just lying to myself, I'm trying to convince my brain that I have all the time but in the end, I have 23 days. It sort of feels like a death sentence. Of course, I may be making it seem that way.
I've been waiting for so long to graduate and now that it's so close I'm not sure if I want it to be here anymore. I've met some amazing people this year who have always been right under my nose but never took the time to know and I'm not ready to be forgotten by them. I see myself as easy to forget and I hope that's not the case because everyone in my life means so much to me and I want to mean as much to them as they do to me.
This is difficult.
I can't get my mind around it.
This year went by fast.
It's trippin me out.
I don't know where I'm going to be next year.
This is really messing with my head..All this stress over a little 3 hour ceremony.
I don't do well with good-bye's or change for that matter.
..well, hug your mom and tell her how much she means to you because it's mother's day and she was nice enough to carry you around in her uterus for 9 months and forcefully push you out of a hole in her body. Don't be ungrateful.
adieu,
Nikki.
Friday, May 2, 2008
A recent discovery..
For the record, I had a hell of a time signing in this damn website just to FINALLY post a blog that I'm sure no one will read.
any whoot,
I was strolling around on myspace and I checked out this music page I had recently added. I added this fellows myspace because he is rather good-looking and I had hope that his music wasn't shit and actually, it is quite good. I urge you all to check him out, his name is Jer Coons and listen ladies, I'm VERY picky when it comes to boys and their looks and I added this one from just one glance and it's just a SUPER duper UBER plus that his music is great. Enjoy!
http://www.myspace.com/jercoons
I recommend the song "Legs" ; )
adieu,
Nikki
any whoot,
I was strolling around on myspace and I checked out this music page I had recently added. I added this fellows myspace because he is rather good-looking and I had hope that his music wasn't shit and actually, it is quite good. I urge you all to check him out, his name is Jer Coons and listen ladies, I'm VERY picky when it comes to boys and their looks and I added this one from just one glance and it's just a SUPER duper UBER plus that his music is great. Enjoy!
http://www.myspace.com/jercoons
I recommend the song "Legs" ; )
adieu,
Nikki
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