Dress Shopping.

Today was quite possibly one of the most exhausting days I've had in a long time.
First, I couldn't get to sleep until 3 am and then had to wake up at 8am.
Then I took a test, not so bad.
Then I had to face my other two classes.
Then.. I met my sister and mother at the mall to go dress shopping for my cousin's wedding.
Well.. Until today, I never realized how ashamed and embarrassed my mom is to have 2 overweight daughters. Her opinion is the one that matters the most and she is the one who has shoved me towards not loving myself.
Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children and how can those children even begin to love themselves if their God is embarrassed by them.
I'm sorry I'm not a size 2, I'm sorry I'm not even a size 10! I want to be thin so I can be beautiful in the eyes of society instead of only being beautiful when I see myself in the mirror. I'm embarrassed for my mother. I wish I was the way society thinks I should be.
Maybe I wouldn't feel so unaccepted by the one who's supposed to encourage me and make me love myself no matter what.
I hate the way this makes me feel. I love my mother more than anything in this entire world and to me, she's perfect. Why can't she feel the same way about me?
I'm tired of not being good enough.
I'm tired of not being thin enough or pretty enough or rich enough or nice enough or outgoing enough. But most of all, I'm tired of not loving myself enough to not be so damn self conscious.
Today, made me feel like shit.
This whole shebang will keep making me feel like shit. I hate that society has put a label on how everyone should look but most of all, I hate that everyone follows that.
I just want everyone to fucking accept the fact that not everyone in the world is cut out to be a size 2.
This is so ridiculous.







I found a dress anyway. And it was $168 and I don't care because it made me feel pretty..